Stressed TF out? 3 Simple Steps to a peaceful life

Stressed TF out? 3 Simple Steps to a peaceful life

Stressed TF out!

It’s a story that too many of us are familiar with.  Our bodies are tense to the point of pain, but it’s not because we don’t know how the bills will be paid or two seconds from being evicted…but it fairly ummmm let’s say unnecessary.  Mind going 200mph over situations where we feel that we are hopeless but we actually have the control.

I use to always operate from this place of chaos.  But it wasn’t until recently that I have felt a load lifted off my shoulders. Being at peace was no longer an imaginary phrase, only felt when watching Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday; but it had become a way of life. 

I sensed it, others sensed it, even my FitBit sleep tracker noticed the peace that resided in my life (no more blue lines baby).

Folks questioned me with their curiosity “Jas, you seem so peaceful now a days; how did you do it?

Here are the three things that aided me on my journey to live a stress free life…

1. It’s all about ME

As I took inventory of my behaviors, I came across something.  I had become an YES woman.  Though it is natural for us women to put others needs before our own; it is sometimes necessary for us to be a little selfish.  It was as if I became allergic to saying no!

Girl you want to go to the club tonight?

In my head I would be saying.........

 "No! I rather sit at the house and watch episodes of Good Times.

But what would come out of my mouth “Yeah girl, what time do I need to be ready"

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Give New Bae a Chance: How to let go and live fearless

Give New Bae a Chance: How to let go and live fearless

I bet that it was a surprise that “The Fear Hurdler” is talking about livin’ fearless.  Of course, I like to talk about fear.  Some would even go as far as to say that I live fearlessly.  Though I would agree.  But how could I live this fearless life and still be scared? Actually deathly afraid at times.  Wouldn’t that be backwards…..

What if I told you that livin’ fearless had nothing to do with NOT experiencing fear?

Let me put it like this.  You know your ex-boo wasn’t any good.  They had Tiger Wood amounts of “Becky’s with the good hair.”  It never fails that they pop up with the “how you been big head” messages when you meet a new fine piece of chocolate; well ex boo…..that’s fear!

At this point in life, you can almost time their entrance.  You expect them to be there.  When we tend to fall for the old lies of “I’m a changed person, I promise I’ll do right this time” we fall for the old lies only to find ourselves bustin’ windows out of their car only months later. 

The dictionary tells us that the word “fearless” is to be without fear.

That’s stupid.  Fear is always going to be around.  But you really want to know what fearless really is? It’s expecting, almost anticipating FEAR, but not allowing it to hold you enslaved!

I know that when I find myself in my next relationship (bae where you at? Stop playing lol) I will look in my inbox, see the “I miss you” message and keep it moving.  If I continue to fall for the same ole lies, I will never receive the fullness in a relationship that was meant for me.  Chile, I already know what a relationship with ex-boo is going to bring me. 

But a relationship with new bae; no telling what it may bring me.  Will it guarantee happiness…….no. But I never know the new possibilities if I don’t stop replaying the past. 

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“I just need to be around some love….”: 3 Ways to React When People Show Support

“I just need to be around some love….”: 3 Ways to React When People Show Support

Negative people….

……..Snakes in the grass, the haters, and can’t forget about the doubters…

I talk a lot about these people, but we have yet to touch on the “Ride or Dies.” The people who are in your corner, cheering every step, and motivating when you get knocked out; there is no doubt that they have your back. 

Although they play a HUGE part within our progress, we at times forget about these people.  But let me not get ahead of myself, I’ll get back to that.

First, I must say that I have an AMAZE BALLS crew.  They not only support all that I have ever done, but also believe in my dream just as much as I do.  Just the other day I was talking to my brother about a piece of equipment that I needed for a project that I am working on (btw, I can’t wait to release a couple things that I’ve been working on in the next couple of weeks).  Much like myself, my bro can always find a hook up for the low low; and you already know I’m a penny pincher, so I needed his expertise.  He hits me up a couple days later to inform me that he had already bought it for me.

He didn’t have to but he gets my vision and backs it in any way that he can. 

It is always important to have some folks that support you.  The motivation alone can pull you out of the pit when you begin to doubt yourself.  Here are a couple ways to react when people show you love (and take some tips if you feel that you are in this alone….). 

Appreciate

We can view support from our inner circle as an obligation versus a choice.  Let’s look at it this way.  A nice gentleman holds the door open for us; some women won’t even say thank you, because they feel as if that is what he is supposed to do.  After several times of no acknowledgement, he may let that door smack you in the face, because you did not appreciate the gesture.  

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When you don’t know the answers…..

When you don’t know the answers…..

Though I am only 26 years old, my mother is a part of the older generation.  See, she actually attended segregated schools until her senior year of High School.  As I came to be older, I was always curious of my Mother’s involvement within the Civil Rights Moment. 

So in true Jasamine fashion, I fired all types of question, from if she ever participated in the sit-ins, or marched for miles….

I couldn’t wait to hear all of the stories that she would have detailing every moment…..

but she didn’t…

From that time the only thing that I could think of was…. how could she just do nothing? Why wouldn’t she want to be on the front lines of one the biggest movements in our history?

Fast forward to July 2016; I sat in my cube almost paralyzed with the mass emotions that swarmed in my head, after yet ANOTHER senseless killing.  Like everyone else, I watched the videos and my heart literally sank, then I felt anger, which turned into rage, only to result in feeling……hopeless. 

When was all of this going to stop?

Just as many of us, I didn’t know where to start in order to be the change that I wanted to see…

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Are you willing to sacrifice good for GREAT?

Are you willing to sacrifice good for GREAT?
“For better to come, good must stand aside” –Carl Jung

It was a Friday afternoon (the day that every Corporate America adult, that doesn’t care much for their job dreams about); and I was stuck in a room on a conference call with top management.  Our leader spoke on major organizational changes, as well as some additional positions that would be added within the department.  As he discussed these positions, I felt as if every eye glanced my way; I thought I was just trippin’ but it was then followed up with the point and head nod..

My attention span was pretty much shot; it was Friday and Netflix was streaming the new season of Orange is the New Black.  Off in lala land, I started to think about these positions.  To be honest I had a HUGE chance to secure at least one of them (I mean that in the humblest way, a sista knows her stuff).  If I went for it, there would be a pay raise (and y’all know I just quit my part time job….yes email folks the day finally came), and it would come with a title change.  This position would give me a little status to back up all the work that I was putting in; but there was one major problem…..it has NOTHING to do with what I wanted to do ( ps. Like most organizations you have to stay within that position for a year before posting out). 

That didn’t stop my co-workers from bombarding me with questions and statements for the rest of the day; “Are you going to apply for it?....You know it’s already yours right?.....Why aren’t you applying for the position?”

My response “Why should I?”

How many of us have become distracted from our destiny because we are too busy chasing the carrot dangling in front of us? (carrot = money, status, the perks, location…..). Though it “can” be good for the moment, does it have the potential to nurture lasting fruit?

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Tired of Being Alone? 5 Lies that are Destroying your Love Life

Tired of Being Alone? 5 Lies that are Destroying your Love Life

When the relationships book The Love Lies by Debrena Jackson Gandy was first brought to my attention, I was slightly optimistic to read it.  Relationship books are one in the same, so I thought.  If you’ve read one, it’s like you’ve knocked out a good 53,840,963 of them.  After digging into it, however, I must admit I was wrong about this one.

Most relationship books sell women this dream that after you read it, Prince Charming will pop out of nowhere, because face it, they have told you where to go to find The One, how you should act, what you should wear, and what to say and how to say it.  If you follow the blueprint, the promise is that…. POOF…. the man arrives.  Being a single woman ummmm none of these tactics were attracting a guy that I would even text back two days in a row, and certainly couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life with.

Meet at the club…….FAIL

Netflix and chill……. Major FAIL

Don’t even get me started on “The What-I-Want-In-A-Man List”…..FAIL….FAIL…FAIL

Needed a man in order to feel loved……Yep you guessed it……FAIL

I took so many loses in love that I felt like the Kardashian family after Black Chyna and Rob announced their relationship (…...then engagement…...then baby….).

Debrena Jackson Gandy, author and relationships coach, shows us that we have been believing the wrong things, focusing on the wrong things and operating “in our Girl” (as she refers to as one of her Debrena-isms. Disclaimer:  Being “in your Girl” has nothing to do with your age;  It is VERY possible to be a 57-year-old and in your Girl).  Debrena calls these “wrong beliefs” the Love Lies, and the 10 she illuminates in her book are specific to women.  It is time to “detox” from the Love Lies, replace them with the Love Truths, and usher in a relationships revolution, the book proclaims. In today’s society, we have become obsessed with what we have to offer on the outside that we neglect how broken we are within. "WE REFLECT OUTSIDE, WHAT WE BELIEVE WITHIN"  TWEET THIS

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I Quit! .....or was I fired? 3 lessons I learned by facing the truth

I Quit! .....or was I fired? 3 lessons I learned by facing the truth

Have you ever lied about something so much, that you even begin to believe the story that you tell?  So deep in that you don’t even know what the truth is anymore; the fiction story that you have told over and over again flows so easily off of your tongue. 

What causes us to fall into these traps?

 It’s fairly simple……..THE TRUTH HURTS! It hurts like hell, so instead of facing it, we look for ways to avoid the pain at ANY cost (even if it means becoming a liar).

 I found myself falling into this trap; and it wasn’t until I faced the truth that I was able to learn the lesson that life was trying to teach me.  Remember in MY STORY when I said that I would tell you how I was fired.  Other than the folks involved; I would tell a watered down version of what happen because I couldn’t come to terms that I WAS FIRED…..

 Lesson #1 Be Real

It all started when I became a part of an Inside Sales Program in the sports industry; this program was developed to teach the ins and outs of sales and after completion of the year program you were then able to be promoted to the various sales departments.  

 I LOVED the organization but there was one problem….I HATED my job; to the point that it became painful to clock in.  So I did what every unsatisfied employee does…..I started to search for a new gig…..

 As I approached the 12 month mark, my manager begun to interrogate me on what my next move should be. I knew that I couldn’t do this for another year but you also learn that if you say anything other than sales that you will be shun and exiled.  So I wasfloating like a butterfly, stinging like a bee dodging him; always coming up with a new excuse of why we couldn’t meet. 

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