Stuck on Stupid: how your past can keep you from the future

I was on the road stuck in traffic when my phone started to ring.  I was surprised because my mama only calls me on Sundays and my friends know that I can’t stand talking on the phone (ask yourself is this textable? No..Is it an emergency? No….then send a text) so it was out of the norm for my phone to be ringing at 5pm on a Tuesday.  But it was my homeboi Darril, he was probing me about my whereabouts. 

This was a perfect setup for one of those “I need you to ……” but he already knew I was leaving one slaveship and heading to the next.  He mentioned that he had somebody he wanted me to meet and by the way he couldn’t get the sentence out without laughing and the chuckles in the back ground I knew that it was somebody that I knew.  My lovely line sister was in town for the day and they were going to come by and visit me at work (Yay! I love visitors at my part time it makes the time fly by).

As we talked about everything under the sun; the topic of my blog came up.  They laughed at the fact that I slide post articles in conversations as a shameless plug when an issue that I have covered is brought up.  Darril then hits me with a question “You always talk about the past issues but what about if you are still holding on to them…” Hmmmmmmm Darril had an AWESOME point, and just like that I couldn’t shake the thought and my wheels began to turn.

How does the past effect the future?

You know like the time that Ray Ray broke your heart in the 10th grade and now every guy that tries to approach you can’t seem to climb the fence that you have around your heart.  What about the manager position that is now open but since you didn’t get the job last year when you applied now you refuse to go for it.  Just because we deem something as “bad” before doesn’t mean that it will go down like that EVERY single time.  Let go of the hurt or continue to let the “hurt” HURT you.

Face it

One thing that I love about sharing on this blog that it has become a journal for me to share my experiences and the things that I have been through (or going through).  It is as if you all are sitting in my living room sipping Cabernet Sauvignon listening to me talk in between commercial breaks of Good Times (Rule #465 NEVER EVER EVER talk while Good Times is on, better hold it until the break….serious face). 

On the down side of being transparent with you all it causes me to face the issues of my past.  Face it, get over it; that sounds like an easy task…. (Yea just as easy as rubbing your belly counter clock wise while patting your head….how many of you just stopped reading and tried to do it).  I wish you could have been in my head to see the countless amount of times I have swept this stuff waaaay under the rug and even told myself stories to believe that what happened didn’t really happened like it really DID happen.  Put some contour make-up on it they say, it will make it pretty they say and for the moment makes us feel better.  It made me presentable and my highlight reel look FLAWLESS (just like using ten million filters on an IG photo).

The reason most of us rather dwell on the past is because we don’t want to deal with it in hopes that it will just go away.  Reality is that it doesn’t ….it NEVER does until we are able to FACE the issue of the past or it will continue to follow you into the future. 

The will to try

When we fail to face the facts of our past and rather be stuck in it, it comes with a hella price to pay.  Because we hold on to the hurt, when a similar situation comes our way we fail to even try.  This keeps us where we are instead of allowing us to go where we want (and need) to be.  I see this all the time when it comes to applying for jobs (even in my own life).

n a former role my manager highly recommended me for a position within the department that would have been perfect.  I did my homework and prepared for the interview I just knew that I would get the call that I was accepted.  Well things did not go as planned and the position was offered to someone else.  To say that I was hurt would be an understatement I was hurt and mad as hell.  I thought it was mine and that I deserved to have the job.  Well a few months later another position was available and my supervisor gave me the heads up and once again encouraged me to apply for it.  In so many words I told her hell no and I was good off that.   In doing so I put a hold on my own development within the organization on a job that would have propelled me but instead held on to the hurt and missed out on an awesome opportunity.  But because I failed before I did not even want to try again to put myself in the same position to feel the hurt once again.

Stay Stuck

I’m pretty sure that we all have that one friend that can’t move on from their ex.  They both have moved on (so they say) but they still stalk their Facebook, always cry over them when they get drunk, and something always seem to be wrong with their new boo that is why it doesn’t work out. 

Time has moved but still your mind is stuck. Stuck as in not moving…stagnant..still..complacent.  If you can’t move forward that means you can’t move to where you need to be or even want to be.  When you don’t feel fulfilled you will resent those things that are holding you back.  But one thing about it is that it is not their fault, it’s on YOU because you fail to face it and truly move on.

If you continue to do what you always have done look forward to getting the results that you have always gotten.  The beauty of having the “bad” thing happen once is now you have experience.  Of course if the same approach is used you will be hurt again.  But that’s the thing you have to learn from it how can you switch up your strategy to come out victorious the next time?  How can you face the issue to get over it and move ahead?  The great thing about life is that you develop over time (hopefully) you are not the same person that you were when originally went through that “hurt”.  The next time that you go through allow your growth to push you through the situation instead of holding on to the old feelings of an old you.  Don’t allow the past to become an excuse of why you can’t be accomplished in the future.