Outside of fear there is one other topic that me and my girls ALWAYS find ourselves discussing….
I mean we are a group of educated, career driven, shawty got her own, and we cannot forget beautiful women (melanin is poppin!). Queens with a purpose and you guessed it, the majority of us are…..
With these qualities who wouldn’t want to take us off of the market. But because the lack thereof it makes me ponder on the stereotypes about successful black woman. You know them. Black educated women are less likely to get married. No man wants a woman that’s more successful than them…blah blah blah.
But as an die hard optimistic, I tend not to fall for statistics because even though the numbers show one thing a little faith can turn any theory on its back. However the older I become and continue to notice the rise of single black woman on their grind I can’t help but to think……
Where are all the good men at?
(I know they out there hiding somewhere, if not “Say Yes to the Dress” would be cancelled by now). So why are all these bossed up women still single?
Same ole Same ole
Comfort zones are dangerous. Like proceed with caution this can get really bad dangerous. A couple months ago, I shared how I am infatuated with my usual from Zaxby’s; you know the chicken finger plate, no cole slaw, extra fries, and teriyaki instead of Zax sauce. It was to the point where I didn’t even have to glance at the menu because I dare not consider anything else.
Does this remind you of your dating life?
If he is not dark chocolate, with a beard, and a tailor suit on, we won’t even bother to give our number out or curve him until the days end. But what if the soulmate that God has for you doesn’t fit the mold that you have in your head; would you miss him right in front of your face?
But let me tell you one day I finally decided to try an Zalad at Zaxby’s
Dat thang was sooooooo good! Chicken fingers fried to perfection, along with the crunchiness of the fried onions and cucumbers, and you can’t forget the toast on the side (......major key). Life CHANGING! (I have been cheating on Chick fi la lately and going to get the Zalad at LEAST once a week….smh).
But I never would have been able to taste all that deliciousness of the House Zalad if I would’ve stayed with the usual……….
The List vs Standards
Standard: a rule or principle that is used as a basis for judgment
Let me say that it is awesome to have standards for your future mate. There is nothing wrong with a guide to base your judgement on especially when it aligns with your morals. On the other hand; the 20 page dissertation list that you have for your potential future mate
……that my friend is another story.
We wonder why we are single but will X a great guy because he didn’t fit the body fat percentage that was on page 4, paragraph 8, bullet point b.
Quick timeout: When we create these “list” do WE even fit these qualifications? Things that make you go hmmmmmmm………………………….
Are you so fixed on finding your life partner that you have failed to work on yourself? We are not referring to your squat challenge in order to grow your donk so potential bae can be mesmerized and slide in your DMs.
Do you love YOURSELF?
Have you gotten over Rae Rae for breakin' your heart in 12th grade?
Still carrying baggage?
Daddy issues? (trust they play a part too).
At times we believe that a relationship will complete us but we have to fill ourselves up FIRST. But the most important thing is that we have to LOVE OURSELVES before we make someone else love us.
Have you ever met someone that loses something that they JUST had? If not, now you do because that is me all day. It irritates me because I literally JUST had it. Most of the time when I do finally locate it it is usually right in front of my face (as my mama would say “If it was a snake it would’ve bit’cha” ….y’all know we country…).
But because I am busting a vein in attempts to find whatever, I lost I can never find it. But soon as I start chillin’ it magically appears.
When we go high and low looking for a man we tend to force a situation to “work.” You know you were like “Lawwwwwwwd send me a sign…two legs, if he has two legs then I know that he is the one!”
In discussion with my girls we came to a conclusion; when you search for a relationship you not only look for anything but accept everything that comes your way. Don’t forget the tendency to let anything fly….morals....standards......and probably ya draws......they all go out the window.
Season of Singleness
Life is filled with seasons….some are long….some are short….some come with a warning sign while others just pop up. Have you ever thought that it was time to have a season of singleness? This gives you the opportunity to focus on you and your endeavors instead of jumping from relationship to relationship in attempts to find “The One.” (......or anyone)
For some odd reason society looks at being single as an curse. I mean who hasn’t received the look from Great Aunt Bertha followed up with questions about why you ain’t got no man yet….something must be wrong with you (queues up #ThanksgivingClapBack).
During this time a great devotional to check out is Tanikia Carpenter’s “The 30 Day Man Fast.” It allows you to eliminate distractions to really get back in tune with yourself (aka Project ME)
So where are all the good men at?
The answer is simple……they are everywhere!
But have you been to blind to see him because he is not in the box that you imagined?
Or is it time to shift the focus back to yourself to be the best “YOU” that you can be and as a result attract what God has for you? But I’m just Jasamine I’m no relationship expert just probing the questions to make you think…….